15 Big Signs You are Being Selfish in Your Relationship

It can be challenging to determine whether you're being selfish or simply standing your ground in a relationship. Selfishness is often a matter of perspective rather than a straightforward fact. So, how can you identify the signs of being selfish, and how do you distinguish that from setting healthy boundaries?

During a conversation with your partner, do you sometimes feel you could compromise but choose not to, simply because you fear it might make you seem weak?

Do you worry that consistently giving in will lead your partner to take you for granted, even if the outcomes of those compromises don't significantly impact you?

It's often said that there's no place for selfishness in a healthy relationship. If you're questioning whether you're acting selfishly, this discussion will help you find clarity.

Since selfishness can be a damaging trait, understanding your behavior can lead to self-improvement and a stronger, more balanced relationship.

# Laziness

Do you find yourself enthusiastic about activities you enjoy, but when it comes to something your partner likes—something you're less interested in—you quickly lose focus, get bored, or try to avoid it? Whether it’s a simple chore or shopping together, if you only feel excitement for your own interests and don’t make an effort to share in your partner’s happiness, it’s a sign of selfishness.

If your partner consistently accommodates your requests, but you rarely do the same, it indicates a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be complacent if you want the relationship to work for both of you.

# You’re Selfish If Your Partner Usually Gives In

When decisions need to be made, do you often get your way, even if it means your partner ends up feeling less-than-happy? Your partner might give in because they care about you and want you to be happy. However, over time, this can lead to them feeling neglected if their preferences are rarely considered.

A relationship requires give-and-take. If they’re the only ones making sacrifices, it can eventually lead to feelings of neglect. Don’t let it reach that point.

# You Believe Your Partner Nags You

Do you notice your partner repeating requests or reminders, like “Can you pick up the towel?” or “Did you forget that...?” It might feel like nagging, but they’re often repeating themselves because you aren’t listening.

In happy relationships, partners try to keep each other content, even if it means going out of their way sometimes. Before assuming your partner is nagging, consider whether you’re doing your part to meet them halfway.

# You Think What You Do Is More Meaningful

This is another sign of selfishness. Even if you have a better job or earn a higher income, that doesn’t mean you deserve preferential treatment in the relationship. If you think your opinions or actions hold more value simply because of your status, it reveals a sense of superiority and selfishness.

A relationship should be a partnership where no one is more important than the other.

# You See Your Partner as Flawed

If you view your partner as flawed and expect them to change to meet your standards, it shows selfishness. For example, you might want them to lose weight because you find them less appealing, even though you might have similar flaws that you overlook.

This double standard is not only unfair but also exposes a lack of self-awareness. To be a better partner, accept their flaws and work on yours as well. If something genuinely bothers you, work on improving yourself, and you might inspire your partner to do the same.

# You Always Want It Your Way

Do you insist on doing things your way or going to places you prefer, even when your partner wants something different? If you sulk or become passive-aggressive when things don’t go your way, it shows a need for control.

Your partner may momentarily feel pleased when you express affection, but deep down, they might be frustrated by your lack of flexibility. Reflect on why your needs always come first.

# Your Ego Is Getting in the Way

If you believe that losing an argument is a sign of weakness and always strive to win, this is a sign of a large ego. It’s not just about your relationship—this behavior can permeate other aspects of your life too. If you never apologize first or always need to be in control, it’s a clear indication of selfishness.

There should be no room for ego in a healthy relationship. Reflect on why you need to win every argument.

# You Struggle to Trust Your Partner

You may love your partner, but if you’re always cautious about fully trusting them, thinking that you’re the only person you can rely on, it indicates a lack of trust and selfishness. Even if your partner is reliable and trustworthy, prioritizing your needs because you assume they would do the same reflects a self-centered mindset.

Without trust, you’ll keep your partner at arm’s length, even unintentionally, leading to distance in the relationship.

# You Find It Difficult to Be Unselfish

You might try to put your partner’s needs first or act selflessly, but find it difficult to follow through. If you constantly look for ways to get a better deal for yourself, whether it’s the bigger slice of pizza or planning the vacation itinerary your way, it reveals a selfish nature.

When you do make a small selfless gesture, you might do it in a way that ensures your partner notices, which isn’t true selflessness. Always putting yourself first will eventually wear your partner down.

# Competitiveness Can Reveal Selfishness

While being competitive can be healthy, there’s a fine line between friendly rivalry and actions that undermine your partner. If you're willing to put your partner down or disregard their plans just to win, this competitiveness stems from a feeling of threat within the relationship, leading to selfish behavior.

There’s no place for unnecessary competition in a partnership. It fuels selfishness, which can harm the relationship. Ask yourself why you feel the need to outshine your partner—you’re supposed to be on the same team.

# You Avoid Apologizing

Do you find it difficult to apologize to your partner, even when you’re in the wrong? You might say "sorry" for minor issues, but when it matters most, do you struggle to admit fault or defend your actions instead?

Refusing to apologize is a clear sign of selfishness, driven by pride and ego. If you think apologizing makes you weak, you’re mistaken. This behavior can lead your partner to see you as self-centered. Don’t let your relationship suffer just because of your unwillingness to apologize.

# Using Emotional Blackmail

Emotional manipulation, whether through withholding affection, giving the silent treatment, or ignoring your partner when things don’t go your way, is a selfish tactic. While this might get your partner to give in, it builds resentment over time.

If you want something, communicate openly. Manipulating your partner to win an argument is not how a healthy relationship works. If you find yourself doing this regularly, it’s a sign of selfishness.

# Being a Control Freak

Selfishness often manifests as a need to control everything. If you find yourself trying to control your partner or specific situations to ensure things go your way, it reveals a lack of flexibility and consideration for their feelings.

Being overly controlling can strain the relationship, leading to hidden resentment. Recognize this behavior if you're asking, "Am I selfish?" and make an effort to loosen the reins.

# Incapable of Compromise

One of the most obvious signs of selfishness is an inability to compromise. Relationships thrive on a balance of give and take, so if you’re not willing to meet your partner halfway, it’s a problem.

Without compromise, feelings of resentment and frustration build up, and your partner might feel unheard and undervalued. Compromise shows that you care about their needs, not just your own.

# Only Looking Out for Yourself

One of the most damaging traits in a relationship is when you're solely focused on your own interests. If you don’t trust your partner enough or fear being vulnerable, you might pretend to be considerate while subtly manipulating situations to serve your own desires.

This behavior is a clear indicator of selfishness and erodes trust, one of the fundamental pillars of a healthy relationship. Without trust, the bond between partners can quickly deteriorate.