When Parental Love Is Not A Guiding Light

In a recently released film, Mrs, on an OTT platform, a mother suggests that her daughter ‘adjust’ in her in-laws’ home, where she is unappreciated, because it is socially acceptable. Her daughter cooks, cleans and takes care of her husband’s family as it is her duty, only to realise that she is forgotten in the grand scheme of things. The film is a reminder that most of us are caught in a bind, trying to follow our parents’ advice, fulfilling familial duties, and social obligations, forgetting that we are souls on a spiritual journey , and can get Home only through a spiritual preceptor’s mentorship .

Yet another film, Three Idiots, depicts how parents’ intentions, even though well-meaning, could be detrimental to children’s growth. In the film, while Rancho is epitome of liberation, Farhan and Raju are burdened by familial expectations. Farhan wants to be a wildlife photographer; but his father forces him to become an engineer. When a child is born, parents are the first and most natural mentors — hence family comes first.

While parents are innate guides, their mentorship styles can sometimes inhibit their grown-up children’s progress towards becoming a jivanmukt. Often, parents forget that their children are adults—individuals seeking moksh — and burden them with social obligations. Kahlil Gibran offers wisdom to such parents: “Your children are not your children... They come through you but not from you. They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you,” he says.

In Bhagwad Gita, Krishn instructs Arjun, to act in accordance with his role, emphasising Self-awareness over external validation for even a mother’s love could be selfish. For instance, Mahabharat’s Gandhari, mother of Kauravs, passively wanted her son Duryodhan to succeed as King of Hastinapur, although she didn’t voice her opinion openly, but just before the final battle, she tried to safeguard her son by blessing his unclothed body. Eventually, Duryodhan dies, Gandhari could have stopped him, but she did not.

Ramayan’s Kaikeyi had a burning desire to see her son Bharat as King of Ayodhya; she asked Dashrath to send his eldest son Ram into exile for 14 years, causing great emotional pain to Bharat.
Just as Krishn mentors Arjun, true mentors or spiritual preceptors teach their mentee that real wisdom lies in focusing on one’s path while maintaining clarity of purpose and detachment from unnecessary obligations. Gita’s verse 3.17 says, 'But one who takes delight in the Self alone, and is content in the Self only, has no duty.’ In Chapter 18, Krishn makes it clear that we do not have any duties except towards ONE. He asks Arjun, “To abandon all forms of duty and surrender unto Me alone. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions; do not fear."

Therefore, one must be vigilant against those who preach fulfilling one's duties and obligations towards family, society, company, nation and the world. Moms can take a leaf out of Maiya Yashoda’s parenting playbook. She raised Krishn with unconditional love and devotion, only to let him go when destiny called. We could also follow little Nachiketa’s example. He confronted his father, Vajashrava, for giving away old and sick cows to brahmins in Kathopanishad. Likewise, we should stay alert on our spiritual journey and take delight in the Self alone.

Krishn also says that since no one possessing a body can entirely give up all actions, only he who renounces fruits of actions is truly called a man of renunciation. While our duty is towards Self-realisation alone, we must follow our dharm, uphold cosmic law, and renounce doership by performing all tasks not for our individual self, but for the One alone.

Authored by: Sonal Srivastava